Well, today is Mother's Day. It has been a somewhat weird day for me. I have had mixed feelings for the most of the day. I'm not quite sure why I have been so strong about this all day and then right after church tonight it just hits me.
For those of you that don't know, on May 14, 2008 I lost my mom to a sudden blood clot that moved to her heart. I was age 14 at the time. It changed my whole perspective on life. My life turned upside down. For the most part... I gave up on life because I really didn't care much anymore. I mean, yes I knew God was with me and that He was comforting me, but for some reason I seeked for more. God brought into my life many new things. Put a guitar in my hands, placed a glove back on my hand for summer baseball at my school. Suddenly once all of that began to settle down, some people walked out on me it seems, I worked my way into a depression. I'm not sure if you know what that feels like, but basically I seriously didn't care about much, just worked my way through, trusted God and gripped on but tried to walk my own way sometimes. God placed my best friend in my life in less than a year after that. She pointed me even more back to God and encouraged me to start giving it all back to Him. Only God knows how thankful I am that He placed Megan into my life. She was so much more as well than just my best friend, God brought our hearts to grow together spiritually, and it is amazing to see where in the world He has brought us from and has taken us to. God placed me in an amazing youth group, with an amazing youth pastor that if I need anything, I know that he will be there for me. This point in my life now, God still has Megan in my life, my amazing church is growing spiritually. I love seeing all of the baptisms that have taken place the past few weeks.
I guess the point that I am getting to here is that, yes, I so miss my mom. Do I wish she was still here? Of course. Was it God's plan for her to go? Yes. Do I understand totally why He took her? Nope. Will I ever? God will decide that. It was God's plan for this to happen, so I will rejoice in His work, and praise Him. Lord I give you the glory. Yes, I do miss my mom, but God has a plan, and I will not change that because this is best because it was decided by God and allowed by Him. I will take joy in what God has brought through all of this. Many lives have been touched, mine especially.
God will take you where you are in your broken state. One of my current favorite passages is in Psalms 31:12-15. Talks about how God uses the broken for His work and how He wants us to go to Him and lay our all on the altar. In every state that were in we should lay our all on the altar and let Him take control.
I love you God, thank you for breaking me and molding me, continue molding me into who I need to be. Happy mothers day mom, I love you. Thank you for pointing me to Jesus, and keeping me in line and reminding me to do what Jesus would do and for encouraging me. I'll see you in heaven soon.
God thank you again, I love you. Is your all on the altar?
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