From Fear to Comfort

Have you ever lost a loved one? Well... I have. On Wednesday May 14th, 2008, I lost my mom. My life has been an adventure since that day. It seems as... well basically like I am in my second life. It feels as though... I began a new life. It's been a long journey, with many twists and turns since that day. I've had people walk in and then walk out, I've had an amazing person join my journey. She's helped me a lot along the roads she's traveled down with me.

So... before that day.... I had a life, a great life. It was going well for me. I remember the very last time that I had mom comfort me... I could barely walk because of severe muscle spasms in my leg, and she was there for me through that. Little did I know that that was the last time I'd have a mom to comfort me. On that Wednesday... my life was turned upside down. I didn't quite understand what life was... I understood that my biggest fear in life actually came many many years before I thought it would ever come. That night I remember... going home asking God, "Lord, why? I don't quite understand this... What do I do now that my life is seeming to be over?" I remember feeling God literally curl me up into his arms.... not the feeling of comfort... but I felt His arms come around me. I remember seriously... falling asleep in God's arms that night. It was my first night of many that I'd feel that comfort. I remember that whole week...sleeping with my dad downstairs in the living room floor. Then when my mamaw left the house to go stay back at her house, dad and i went back to try to sleep in our normal beds and I laid awake for weeks... months wondering why and still feeling God wrapping His arms around me.

Later in June, I was fortunate to get my first guitar... I felt as God allowed me to get it as a means to try to help ease the pain in a way I could apply myself. I remember... guitar was my life, I lived to serve God and play guitar. I would play with people from church all the time. I remember when we first got the band together. It was amazing for the months that it lasted. That Christmas... God helped my dad find the guitar that I dreamed about. To this day I still have my PRS CE24 and it's my favorite guitar I've ever played.

Short after that, people started leaving my church, and sooner than I knew it, I was the only one left in the youth group again. For years I have been praying to God for someone that I truly cared about to come along, and for them to truly care about me. In March of 2009, God answered my prayer. Meg has been a gift from God to me. She has helped encourage my walk with God along the way and has helped comfort me when I have been down in my adventurous life that seems to be the second one that I have lived. I look back in the time line of my life and pre-life, and God really planned my life to where if one thing was taken out, I don't know if I would have ever met Meg. God really knew what He was doing. God has put Meg in my life. He really answered my prayer. Ten months after God brought her in my life, he still keeps blessing me with her.

I guess... as I have been writing this post... I realized something I always knew... yet it really hit me right now even more. God really did know what He was doing. Yes, I do REALLY MISS my mom. She was a big impact on my life. To this day, she still has impacted my life. God is still there for me whenever I call on Him. He always will be. He comforts me. To this day I still can ask for God to hold me close... and I still feel His arms around me. Even though I try to rejoice in her being in Heaven, and have joy over it. I still really miss her, and I know its okay to miss her and have your hard days every now and then. It's going to be all okay. I need to keep reminding myself not to worry about my fears in my future, God has it all planned out for me. I just need to stick close to Him.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."~Matthew 6:33-34